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Tuesday, 24 June 2008

Super-sized shades

Paul gave me a lift to the station so I could catch my train to work this morning. It was on his way to the supermarket for the daily run. Ava and Nath were strapped in in the back. They were singing, "Hello, hello, how are you?" a theme from some cbeebies programme which they are both addicted to. Don't ask me the name of it. Paul would know. The sun was shining. Eden had got to school on time and the chaos of the morning routine had been relatively insignificant by the usual standards. Paul was chirpy, in one of his 'in-control' moods. All seemed right with the world. It was going to be a good day. As we pulled up at the station I picked up my coat and bag from my lap and reached for the door handle. I looked behind me to start saying goodbye to the kids. But then Ava's face crumpled. She threw her head back and she started to cry. No, scream. Her face turned bright red and her fists clenched and huge tears started to plop onto her cheeks. "No, Mummy, no go!" she cried. I got out of the car and opened the passenger door. I leaned across Nathan towards her and tried to kiss her cheek but she pulled away from me. I kissed her anyway. And then my face crumpled, too. I went from equanimity to emotional wreck in the space of a nanosecond. Paul said lightly, "She'll be fine. Hurry, you'll miss your train. Don't worry!" I pulled on the super-sized shades and walked briskly away from the car towards the station, tears rolling down my cheeks. I carried on crying half the way to work. I hate it when that happens.

1 comment:

rebecca said...

I feel your pain, it's horrible. I have had this happen many times. Last weekend we went to our local village carnival and my 2 year-old son Joe's nursery was putting on a teddy bear's picnic for nursery children and parents. Joe just went quiet and wouldn't look at any of the staff and I realised it was because he thought I was going to leave him. Oh the working mother guilt. Thankfully he does come out of nursery most days saying 'my have nice day mummy'.